Thursday, 17 October 2013

Gone but never forgotten

One year ago on this day I was anticipating for my flight to China the next morning hoping to see you for one last time. It had been two or three months since I last saw you and I did not know that would have been my last. You left Australia hoping to receive better treatment and it was also your last wish of being able to visit your home country before your passing.

Everyone in the family had the opportunity to visit you, to be with you, to see you for one last time while you were in China except me. I was a day too late. Less than a day - one sleep and a nine hour plane ride too late. It saddens me the most that I was the only one in the family who didn't have that chance to see you. I don't think anyone would be able to understand. Strangely enough the night before I had a dream that I was at the hospital with you. Was I having some kind of revelation or was that my opportunity since I couldn't be there physically?

My biggest regret would be growing distant from you as I grew older and wanted my independence. I remember as a child you would walk me to and from school, make me honey lemon tea, and accompany me to my favourite shops even if it meant you waiting for a long time. You would even give me money so I could buy magazines to read even though you didn't have much. Growing up, never have I ever seen you lose your temper once; I don't know how that is even possible.

It's still incomprehensible how one year has gone by so quickly. I only hope not to repeat the same mistake in the future and wish to cherish every moment because I won't know what will be the last. I am just glad you are no longer suffering or in pain.

RIP Grandpa

16 comments:

  1. nancy @ adore to adorn17 October 2013 at 04:32

    aw I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this must not be easy to deal with but hopefully you will find some ease in expressing this through your blog and your words. Wishing you the best!

    xo,
    nancy

    http://adoretoadorn.blogspot.com

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  2. MyBeautyJunction17 October 2013 at 06:45

    This post made me tear up. Grandpas are our heroes, no matter what, and I hate that our time with such awesome people is too short. It's never easy - my Gramps has been diagnosed with the horrid "c" and I've had a frog in my throat ever since. May God give you and your family the strength to deal with your loss x

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  3. this post is so sweet :O i think your dream was fate's way of letting you see your grandpa. the part about your grandpa giving you money to buy magazines makes me just alsdkjflaskdjf. he's such a great person!

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  4. Such a sweet post to honour your grandfather. My grandfather's one year anniversary since he passed away was in August so I think I know how you are feeling right now. I was fortunate enough to see my grandfather in hospital the night he passed away - I wanted to be there when he passed, but my father insisted I go home (I think he knew it was time), and half an hour later just as I was getting into bed I got the call that he'd gone.
    It's definitely important to cherish every moment.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( I don't think we ever truly gt over something like this. We just try not to think about it too much and just move on with things as best as we can. :)

    Fernanda | Ferdie's Beauty Finds

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  6. I'm sorry for your loss. This post is so sweet and There is no need to regret what happened. =) Your grandfather would not want you to be regretful and sad, so smile and keep moving forward with you life. Just take what you leaned here and apply it to the rest of your life. I bet your grandfather would be proud of you!! =)

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  7. I'm sorry for your loss! My grandpa passed away when I was very little so I don't have any memory with him at all, but for me my grandma has a special place in my heart. I can't even imagine how it would feel if she passes away. We should be good to those who are still alive and well. Cheer up Louise! :)
    x Court

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  8. This made me teary, I'm so sorry for your lost darl :(

    lilynotlouse.blogspot.com

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  9. Kristen @YourBeautyFix19 October 2013 at 13:41

    this was sooo sweet! i remember growing up with my grandmother. she would pick me up from school and watch cartoons with me. i dont think ive ever seen such patience! but i know they are in a better place and we should just be happy for the time we had with them <333

    http://yourbeautyfixreviews.blogspot.com/

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  10. !!!! thanks for sharing these emotions with us. so heartfelt and touching.

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  11. Thank you Nancy! Expressing this through my blog definitely made me feel a lot better :)

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  12. Thank you Renu <3. I can totally understand how you're feeling since I think I've mentioned it to you before. One day he was still going out to the City by himself shopping, then within the next few hours he could not support his own body anymore. It was the most heartbreaking thing I ever saw. I hope you & your family are doing okay.

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  13. Thanks for reading Lisa. I don't know about the dream but it was sort of freaky at the same time. It also got my hopes up thinking I could still make it in time to see him. He was definitely the best grandpa anyone could ask for.

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  14. Thank you for reading Tulip :) Also, sorry for your loss. I think it would have been really hard to cope to actually be there at the time he passed. I still remember my dad telling me the night before, my grandpa looked like he was in a stable condition so it's hard to predict what happens.

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. :( I believe that when people pass away in a physical sense, they are still around in a spirtual sense - they never really leave us. Big hugs!

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