Monday, 29 April 2013

What's your story?

Hey everyone! This post is going to be quite personal and I'm a bit hesitant about sharing it but I'm feeling a bit down at the moment.


If you have been watching YouTube lately, you may have come across "Draw My Life" videos where YouTubers share their life story through drawing pictures. As we don't personally know these people, some may get the impression that they may have been a pretty cool, outgoing, 'popular' person back in high school or something. However after watching them you realise that they weren't all that different from some of us as well. We may know their name but we don't know their story.

From the Draw My Life videos that I have seen (Nigahiga, Bubzbeauty, Michelle Phan etc.) it struck me that at one point in time, they used to be bullied or experienced the lowest moment in their life at a young age. Although I don't know what age group the majority of my readers are but the purpose of me writing this is to convey - if you ever feel alone or alienated, like no one understands, know that you are not alone. There will always be someone who will offer you a helping hand.

Another factor that influenced me to write this is coming across my high school English assignments and reading all the things I wrote. There was one poem in my assignment that particularly struck me the most which I will share (please don't judge the thirteen year old me) -
This heartache I feel is caused by betrayal
Friends backstabbing me, everything's left in denial
Loathing me because I'm not the same
From day to night I would always say,
Aren't friends supposed to be there when you're down?
No matter when and where they'd always be around
Pretending everything is all right by faking a smile
But inside, my heart has been bleeding for a while
In pain and so scarred this heart I now hold
From all the betrayal as each day grows cold
Not many people about this part of my history as it's not something you would normally bring up but even so, it's a part of me that I don't want to remember.

Back when I was in primary school I was best friends with three girls whom I've been friends with since kindergarten. We were friends since kindergarten although one moved interstate in year two but returned in year five - lets name this girl B. Now B was a rebellious and loud person whereas I was quiet, shy and most often teacher's pet. At that time I was around 10 and already self-conscious about myself as I wore glasses, didn't have straight teeth and bad acne on my forehead. The return of B did not make my life any better. For around two years I was bullied by this girl whom I considered as my best friend. She also turned my two closest best friends against me along with a few others whom I was close to. At that point in time I really felt alone and I used to cry most of the time because of B.

I started hanging around other people but B did not stop - she used her "minions" to pretend to join the people I was hanging with and later report back to her. She pulled pranks on me like hiding my belongings or simply taking things without asking. However during the start of the last school year, I started hanging with these girls again. However little did I know that some were still bitching behind my back at that time. Regardless, I did not feel a sense of belonging and different from my 'best friends'. I was self conscious and my attitude / personality didn't match theirs.

Luckily when I began high school I felt more like me and was surrounded by amazing people whose personalities were much like mine. Back in year seven and eight I used to own a personal blog where I would post about my daily life, what I did, who I was with, what I was listening to etc. It was the "thing" then. I experienced cyber bullying on my personal blog and I honestly don't know the reason why this person was doing this - till this day I still don't know who they are but I know they are someone who was in my grade from my school. Every time I changed my blog url they would follow; I asked my friends to stop linking my new url and that temporarily stopped the bully until they found my blog again. I don't remember when they stopped but it really annoyed the shit out of me.

So that's a part of my story in short and please don't pity me or anything. If it weren't for these events, as well as the amazing friends I've made, I wouldn't be who I am today. For those who feel they are being bullied or alone, reach out! Bullies often don't have a legitimate reason for their actions - most of the time it's to make themselves feel better or they're jealous. Don't ever stoop down to their level because at the end of the day, you are the better person and karma will get them. You are the one who will be better off in the long run. Not every person you encounter is going to like you but when you find the ones that do, they are keepers in your life!

Sorry for the extra long post but I wanted to share with you my experience and when I felt I was at my lowest point in life. No matter how successful a person may seem now, there is a part of them that most don't know about and normally it is very heartfelt. However, remember that life is too short to hold grudges and stay mad at people!

15 comments:

  1. Louise you are one of the nicest bloggers I have been fortunate enough to connect with on here. Than you for sharing : o)

    Jac x0x

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  2. With Love, Tiffany29 April 2013 at 17:10

    Hey, thank you so much for sharing this. This really hit close to home for me because believe it or not, I actually experienced something similar to this in elementary school. I actually had bad teeth and acne too, and I had a girl who pretty much did the same thing to me as she did to you. I moved away in 5th grade and that was the end of it, but it affected me for many years to come. I've forgiven her because I know little girls can be cruel.

    Anyways, I really enjoyed this entry and I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm glad you've risen above the bullying to become the strong person you are today <3

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  3. Thank you for being so open and for sharing this personal story with us. You are not alone and there are always people out there who will care for you and love you for who you are. xoxo


    Liz
    www.lizchewy.com

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  4. first off, love the new blog lay out :) bullying seems to be inevitable at a young age. for me, it was mainly racism in america, where on the east coast, at the time, asians were mainly nonexistent. so i've had my fair share of it as well. but the most important thing is maintain a strong sense of yourself and not fall into the traps of the noise out there. i agree - if you're a victim, reach out.

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  5. I wrote a few more poems for my assignment but they're so... cliche haha. Thanks for your support :)

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  6. Thanks for reading Tiffany :) Lucky for the both of us to pull through in the end because it leaves such a big impact in our life. When I started high school we all went separate ways so it was a great time for me to start anew.

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  7. Sometimes it's hard to tell when you're being bullied. In my own experience I've had pretty bad luck with friendships as even in Uni, there are people out there who are just plain mean and make you feel like crap. It's not always intentional, but there will always be horrible/mean/judgy people. I always try to let go of whatever's in the past and move on to bigger and better things! Thanks for sharing Louise (:

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  8. Matthew Nguyen6 May 2013 at 22:34

    Those poems are good! You're so cute when you read them to me. Thinking back when I was in year 8 I dont think I could even write a proper poem compared to you lol

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  9. Yay, thank you for the feedback and reading! I went to a pretty multicultural primary school but an Asian dominant high school so I never experienced with much racism. But when I do encounter it, it aggravates me so much.

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  10. That was brave of your for sharing :) Loved your message at the end. Also that poem you wrote as a 13 year old breaks my heart. Makes me want to give you a hug.x

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  11. Cassandra Dotzel8 May 2013 at 02:04

    Thanks for sharing your personal story, love. You are not alone, and sometimes girls are just awful. I too experienced bullying and it was rough being the only asian girl in my high school and having a white family to make me even more different. I, too had a personal blog where I wrote about my daily life- and was subject to cyber bullying. One girl actually made a hate website about me for no real reason. But then we grow up and become awesome and most of those people peaked in high school. Keep you head up lady, & stay Fab.

    Best,
    icantaffordmylifestyle.blogspot.com

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  12. Wow, you had it a lot worse! Backstabbing "friends" are in so many ways worse the ruthless bullies!
    Thank you for sharing your story, your poem is really heartfelt too!

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