If you have been watching YouTube lately, you may have come across "Draw My Life" videos where YouTubers share their life story through drawing pictures. As we don't personally know these people, some may get the impression that they may have been a pretty cool, outgoing, 'popular' person back in high school or something. However after watching them you realise that they weren't all that different from some of us as well. We may know their name but we don't know their story.
From the Draw My Life videos that I have seen (Nigahiga, Bubzbeauty, Michelle Phan etc.) it struck me that at one point in time, they used to be bullied or experienced the lowest moment in their life at a young age. Although I don't know what age group the majority of my readers are but the purpose of me writing this is to convey - if you ever feel alone or alienated, like no one understands, know that you are not alone. There will always be someone who will offer you a helping hand.
Another factor that influenced me to write this is coming across my high school English assignments and reading all the things I wrote. There was one poem in my assignment that particularly struck me the most which I will share (please don't judge the thirteen year old me) -
Not many people about this part of my history as it's not something you would normally bring up but even so, it's a part of me that I don't want to remember.This heartache I feel is caused by betrayalFriends backstabbing me, everything's left in denialLoathing me because I'm not the sameFrom day to night I would always say,Aren't friends supposed to be there when you're down?No matter when and where they'd always be aroundPretending everything is all right by faking a smileBut inside, my heart has been bleeding for a whileIn pain and so scarred this heart I now holdFrom all the betrayal as each day grows cold
Back when I was in primary school I was best friends with three girls whom I've been friends with since kindergarten. We were friends since kindergarten although one moved interstate in year two but returned in year five - lets name this girl B. Now B was a rebellious and loud person whereas I was quiet, shy and most often teacher's pet. At that time I was around 10 and already self-conscious about myself as I wore glasses, didn't have straight teeth and bad acne on my forehead. The return of B did not make my life any better. For around two years I was bullied by this girl whom I considered as my best friend. She also turned my two closest best friends against me along with a few others whom I was close to. At that point in time I really felt alone and I used to cry most of the time because of B.
I started hanging around other people but B did not stop - she used her "minions" to pretend to join the people I was hanging with and later report back to her. She pulled pranks on me like hiding my belongings or simply taking things without asking. However during the start of the last school year, I started hanging with these girls again. However little did I know that some were still bitching behind my back at that time. Regardless, I did not feel a sense of belonging and different from my 'best friends'. I was self conscious and my attitude / personality didn't match theirs.
Luckily when I began high school I felt more like me and was surrounded by amazing people whose personalities were much like mine. Back in year seven and eight I used to own a personal blog where I would post about my daily life, what I did, who I was with, what I was listening to etc. It was the "thing" then. I experienced cyber bullying on my personal blog and I honestly don't know the reason why this person was doing this - till this day I still don't know who they are but I know they are someone who was in my grade from my school. Every time I changed my blog url they would follow; I asked my friends to stop linking my new url and that temporarily stopped the bully until they found my blog again. I don't remember when they stopped but it really annoyed the shit out of me.
So that's a part of my story in short and please don't pity me or anything. If it weren't for these events, as well as the amazing friends I've made, I wouldn't be who I am today. For those who feel they are being bullied or alone, reach out! Bullies often don't have a legitimate reason for their actions - most of the time it's to make themselves feel better or they're jealous. Don't ever stoop down to their level because at the end of the day, you are the better person and karma will get them. You are the one who will be better off in the long run. Not every person you encounter is going to like you but when you find the ones that do, they are keepers in your life!
Sorry for the extra long post but I wanted to share with you my experience and when I felt I was at my lowest point in life. No matter how successful a person may seem now, there is a part of them that most don't know about and normally it is very heartfelt. However, remember that life is too short to hold grudges and stay mad at people!